There's no end to how Sweet he is to me...

I'm baaack. :D

Now where was I.... Oh yes, dreeeamy D. :)

So D and I started playing together last night, like we've been doing for the last few months. Only this time, we didn't barely talk and I wasn't extremely bored the whole time. In fact, I was giggling, my heart racing, the whole time.

It started when he asked me if I thought he was a good friend. I respond with, "Of course! Why do you ask?" He said he just wanted to make sure, and that I am the best friend he's ever had. -swoon-

Me: Aww, I've actually been thinking the same thing about you. (I have, really.)

After a few minutes of us being silent, I couldn't take it anymore, I had to know. So I asked him what made him decide to hold my hand. Which I'm wondering if I should have held off on. But I mean, he interlaced his fingers with mine, that's gotta mean something right? I had to know!

He's quiet for a couple minutes, but finally says, "I just felt like it," then a big explanation about how he didn't want me to get him wrong, or make himself look bad. "And I like you."

After I giggle and grin like an idiot for ten minutes, I start thinking, crap he probably feels funny about it now. So I explain my reasoning for asking. "I really was just curious because...I liked it. And I like you too. :)"

Then there are lots of smiley faces back and forth, hehe.

D: You're different than other girls our age.

Me: Oh?

D: Yeah, you're smart, funny, and don't wear clothes that are too small for you, lol.

OH but it gets better....
Wait for it...
Wait for iiiiiiiit....

D: And you're beautiful the way you are.

...Hoooolyy crap, I wasn't expecting that! I grinned like an even bigger idiot, and I sort of felt like my heart exploded (which is a little silly, lol.) I've never been told I was beautiful before, I mean except by family. It feels different when it comes from someone outside your family, someone you really like too. Being the silly girl I am, I almost even started crying! Lol. I felt so incredibly loved in that moment, and have still felt loved throughout the entire day. Sure, I wasn't able to sleep last night, but I've felt almost...glowing all day lol.

Anywho, I was sort of stunned so I didn't reply for a few minutes. I ended up telling him he was incredibly sweet, and told him all the things I like about him.

Me: Oh and I've been wanting to tell you, lol, I think your eyes are beautiful.

THEY ARE, OMG THEY ARE. They're brown, sure brown is nice, but oooh no. They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They're like a...smoldering chocolate with flecks of gold and red and...mmm they're amazing. -purrs-

Um. Anyway. Ahem...

D: Aw :) <3

He starts sending me hearts! How freaking adorable is that. Last night, today. Not on his cell phone though. He's being very secretive with his hand-holding and texts. Him mom, though I think is great and is a wonderful friend to my mom, is a little overprotective. D is her only child, and he's growing up, so I can understand a bit. If she saw hearts and cutsie messages appearing in his phone, and sees the two of us snuggling up to each other while we hold hands on the couch, he might be banished from my house lol. And I do not want that...at all...never ever ever...

So long story short, (lol I know I say that a lot) I'm most certain I'm in love with him, and now it's even better because I think he might be in love with me. <3

Is There a Day when I Don't Fall DEEPER into Love?

Well the title says it all. D and I had some interesting little chats as we played our online game together last night. I have never felt so loved or special. <3

AAAND...I shall tell you about it later! Hehe. My family and I are going out and we can't be late, so I must continue this tonight. ;)

Gosh!

If you're at my front door selling something, and I say, "No thank you, I'm not interested," don't ask me why! Doesn't matter what you're selling, if I'm not interested gtfo!

The nerve of salesmen these days.

Used to be Jealous

Ever since I've felt close to D, I've come to appreciate love songs. I used to hate them, used to say I hated the artist that sang them. I was mostly jealous that the artist was able to write about and express love in their songs when I had no idea what it truly felt like.

Now I sort of feel like I can relate. Taylor Swift, welcome to my iTunes library. ;)

My, my, my!

Who wants to hear what happened tonight with dreamy D! -looks around expectantly- Anyone, anyone?

Bah I'll tell you anyway. ;)

My brothers were upstairs with D's mom, playing Plants Vs Zombies on my computer, D's dad was in the kitchen working on his laptop, leaving D and I alone to watch The Two Towers (Lord of the Rings) while my parents were out.

About five or ten minutes into the movie, we're sitting about a foot apart, and I set my hand down palm-up between us. Mostly because I was nervous and my hands were sweating (embarrassing I know.) So D wraps his hand around mine, squeezing, and continues to watch the movie.

Through the course of the movie (which was really about two thirds since he left before it was over) he would hold my hand, let go when his parents or my 12yo brother would walk in, caress my arm, intertwine our fingers… It really was a lovely night.

I just talked to him a few minutes ago online (we play an online game together, shut up lol), and he said he enjoyed watching the movie with me. So I replied, “I had fun too :). Especially when the goblin held my hand.”

My brother calls D a goblin lol, he’s so annoying…

D responds with, “:) lol. I enjoyed that part too.”

Soo long story short, I’m even more in love with him than I was before. <3

Excited

My parents' anniversary is today (17 years!) and dreamy D's mom is coming over to babysit us. Which I'm slightly offended by because I've been babysitting my little siblings since I was maybe 12 so...

The good news is she's bringing D! He's going to bring his second Lord of the Rings disc for us to watch. Ever since I met him, he's wanted me to watch the movie series, which I think is incredibly cute. He's acutally surprised I like them! At least we're dorks together. x)

I'm anxious to see what exactly tonight will be like... My mind has been whirring with questions, like: what now that we've held hands? Should I say anything about it? Should I just let him decide to hold my hand so I don't scare him? I don't want to freak him out!

I'm in Love!!!

I'd thought about it before, even talked about it (to myself, lol), but I think now I know for sure.

When I was younger, I thought I was in love also (many times in fact). In kindergarten, in second grade, in fifth grade, in seventh grade... At the age of five I had my first kiss. I felt like I was the luckiest, happiest girl alive!
In second grade, I had a "boyfriend" for a couple of days, and we would cuddle on a bench under a tree during recess.
In fifth, a boy would pick on me and call me names, but I thought I was in love with him. Turned out to be a crush that lasted for about a week and a half.
In seventh, I met a boy through a group my mom had joined, saw him only a couple of times and thought his possessiveness toward me was love. God was I wrong. He asked me to be his girlfriend and said I could only talk to him when we went places. Goodbye.
I even thought I was in love with that guy on Youtube, Shane Dawson! I even told my grandma (RIP) that I wanted to marry him two years ago!

I don't want to make a mistake again...fill my heart with hopes of love and have it broken days or months later. D though...D just makes me feel so happy, and loved. Special even. We're not going out, and are never truly alone with each other, but it's the little things he does that make me feel so... I don't even know how to describe it. Is that what love is, an indescribable feeling?

Today we were again watching a movie, after the craft for our group was complete and all the other families went home. D's mom and mine were chatting in the kitchen as we sat around the corner in front of the tv. My puppy likes to sit between the two of us, and we both pet her, our hands always brushing each other's. Last time, his fingers sort of looped around mine for a while, but he'd always let go and continue petting.

Today, was much, much better. D would rest his hand against mine and actually held it, squeezing and stroking the top of my hand with his thumb. My heart was beating so fast all afternoon, it hasn't slowed and he left almost an hour ago, lol.

He would lean against me during the movies we watched, he offered to give me books of his to read, and he held my hand for a while! That's when my little sister came in and insisted on him wrapping his arm around her. :P She's six, and I feel like we have to fight over him.

So, hehe, long story short, he's incredibly sweet to me, sends me messages every day and now is holding my hand when we sit together. When he says my name my heart flutters, when he leans in close my breath catches, when his skin touches mine it tingles. I didn't want a heartbreak, I didn't want to fill myself with hope if nothing would ever blossom between D and I, but...

I'm in love with him. <3

OMG Moment

Speaking of feeling funny, I thought I'd share with you an awkward moment that happened in my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart. I've heard that this happens to everyone at least once in their life, so maybe you can relate. x)

So my mom and D's mom (yes dreamy D) are walking alongside each other shopping together. D and I were dragged along (which wasn't bad, actually really fun! We had lots of laughs and a really good time), so we also walked together.

My mom says, "Oh no, we better check out, it's getting late," and asks me to run up front with the cart to check out.

I split off from the moms and D and started approaching the front of the store. On my way, I spot a tall, cute boy who looked sort of like D (about 5'6", short dark hair). Our gazes sort of locked, and we were both looking and smiling and (alright I'll admit it...) making googly eyes at each other.

As I walk by he says, "Nice shirt," looking at my Family Guy tee. But it wasn't a he...is was a she.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judgemental at all toward people who like the same sex, but I was stunned, lol. I squeaked out a "thanks" and continued on to the register. I felt a little funny afterwards but am lmao now!

Funny Feelings

So I got my daily text from D this morning, sweet as usual. Over the next couple of hours we messaged back and forth about books he has and this activity my mom's group has scheduled for today at my house.

We're talking about how this one woman's kids stink, and I get an incoming message from him saying that I STINK. Then another saying, "Ahahahahaha."

Me: :(

A few minutes later I get an urgent couple of texts (from D, again) that his mom had said that I stink, she had stolen his phone. His mom likes to mess with me sometimes, she has a funny sense of humor, but for a while (ten minutes) it just seemed kind of fishy so I didn't message him back.

Then I felt bad! So I told D I knew he wouldn't say I stunk, yadda yadda, his mom is funny, blah blah blah. The main reasoning for me posting about it is it's just not settling right with me, lol. Could I have handled the situation differently? Why would D's mom pretend to be him and say I stunk?

I'm always so confused!

Late Night Thoughts

About to head to bed but was thinking about D (again, yes I know). Just felt like sharing how incredibly sweet he's being, sending me messages every day saying, "Good morning, how are you today?"

-swoon-

And when we were petting my puppy the other day while we watched a movie on the couch...did his fingers loop around mine and stay that way a bit longer than they should have for friends? I'm just curious...

D you are sending me some weird ass signals here.

Could love be in the air...perhaps?

Okay, I need input. My best friend of five (is it five?) months gave me a present when he came to my brother's birthday party with his family (along with presents for my brother, lol). I open up the box he'd wrapped to find a little figurine with three tiny, adorable raccoons. I LOVE raccoons.

D, my friend, said he noticed that I like raccoons, since I have them all over my room (dorky, I know, shut up hehe), so he thought he'd get it for me.

...Question: is this what people do when they like you? And I mean, like you like you. Get you presents randomly just because? Because...if they do I have myself convinced otherwise.

"Oh pff," I thought after staring creepily off into space as I dreamt about D, "he might not really like me. He probably just saw it and thought 'what the hell, it's on clearance, maybe she'll like it' and doesn't really have beyond-friend feelings about me..." But would he really take the time to get me a gift if he didn't like me?

I am so confused right now.

But you know what...I had a bit of a crush on him before...now I know for sure I do. <3

Yayy, school's started again!

If I told you that I love school, love to spend hours a day learning, I'd be lying to you.
Not that I don't like being intelligent, or learning, I just hate the process of learning. I wish there was a way to just...beam the information into my head, like something out of Star Trek. That'd be so awesome....

But -sigh- sadly no one has invented anything like that yet (which you think they could hold off on the flying car for...), so back to hitting the books I suppose. Geometry, fun! Biology, fun!

At least I have something else I can be snarky about, hehehe...